Handling your daughter’s first boyfriend or girlfriend
What to say (and what not to)
Quick summary
- Stay calm and supportive when your daughter tells you about her first boyfriend or girlfriend to keep communication open
- Use it as a chance to talk about healthy relationships, and reassure her she deserves respect and kindness
- If she goes through a breakup, listen without judgement and let her know her feelings are valid while keeping an eye out for ongoing sadness
Your daughter’s first boyfriend or girlfriend can feel like a big moment – for her and for you.
You might feel proud, protective, worried, or all of those at once.
That’s completely normal.
It’s common to wonder what age is typical, how to react, what to say, and how to help if things don’t work out.
So here’s a straightforward guide to navigating your daughter’s first relationship, keeping the conversation open and supporting her through it all.
How to react to your daughter’s first boyfriend or girlfriend
When she first tells you she’s seeing someone, some people can feel tempted to react emotively – whether that’s teasing, laying down strict rules or panicking about this could mean or lead to.
But in the short term, try to keep your reaction as calm and supportive as you can.
A good first response could simply be to say something like:
“That’s nice, tell me about them.”
Showing interest without judgement can help her feel like she can keep talking to you about it.
If you have concerns – about her age, their behaviour, or anything else – it’s okay to bring those up, but try to do it gently or as part of another conversation rather than shutting her down straight away.
What is the average age for a girl to have her first boyfriend or girlfriend?
There isn’t a single “right” age for a first relationship.
It depends a lot on her personality, maturity and friendship group.
Some girls start using the term boyfriend or girlfriend at around 12 or 13, often more as a label than anything serious.
Others wait until they’re 15, 16 or older before having a “proper” relationship.
If you feel she’s too young, you can still talk about your expectations and values.
But try to remember that for most teens, a first relationship is more about exploring feelings and friendships than anything long-term.
How to talk to your daughter about her first relationship
It’s natural to feel unsure about what to say, but starting the conversation early – and keeping it light – is usually best.
You could ask simple questions like how they met, what they enjoy doing together, and how she feels when she’s with them.
This can also be a good opportunity to talk about what a healthy relationship looks like – things like kindness, respect, honesty and boundaries.
Rather than giving a lecture, you can reassure her she deserves someone who treats her well, and that it’s okay to speak up or walk away if anything doesn’t feel right.
What to do when your daughter has her first breakup
Even if it seemed casual to you, a first breakup can feel huge to her.
It’s normal for teens to feel very upset, angry or confused after their first relationship ends.
You can help by letting her know it’s okay to feel that way, offering her space if she wants it but also letting her know you’re there to listen.
Encourage her to spend time with friends and keep up with the things she enjoys.
Not that you would, but try not to dismiss her feelings by saying things like “it wasn’t serious” or “you’ll get over it”.
Even if you know she will, those feelings are very real to her right now.
If she seems very down or withdrawn for more than a few weeks, check in and see if she needs more support.
luna also has lots of advice about healthy relationships, breaking up with someone and getting through a break up should you wish to gift the app to them.
Why your reaction to her first relationship matters
First relationships are part of growing up.
How you react now may set the tone for whether she feels she can come to you about relationships in the future.
So by keeping calm, showing you’re interested, and being there through both the happy and the hard parts, you’ll help her build confidence and trust.
You don’t have to have all the answers or be free of worries, but just being there for her through this milestone may make all the difference.
How we created this article:
luna's team of experts comprises GPs, Dermatologists, Safeguarding Leads and Junior Doctors as well as Medical Students with specialised interests in paediatric care, mental health and gynaecology. All articles are created by experts, and reviewed by a member of luna's senior review team.
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