When your teen’s left out: 6 tips to help
Supporting your teen when they’re excluded
Quick summary
- Feeling left out can really knock a teen’s confidence, even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal from the outside
- Often, what helps most is feeling heard, rather than “fixed”
- The luna app can offer a little extra support if they aren’t opening up and need a private space to figure things out
Why being left out can really sting
Teen friendships can be intense.
Whether it’s the group chat, a sleepover, or who’s sitting with who at lunch, that sense of belonging can feel like everything.
So when they’re left out, even just once, it can hit hard.
Maybe they weren’t invited to something, or saw a photo posted from a night they weren’t part of.
It can spark all sorts of feelings, like hurt, confusion or even shame, and sometimes it knocks their confidence more than they know how to say.
They might start wondering if they’ve done something wrong. Or assume they’re just not liked.
Some teens pull back when they feel that way, retreating into themselves rather than reaching out, which can make things feel even worse.
And while a lot of this is a normal part of growing up, it can sometimes cross into something more serious, like relational bullying, where exclusion is done on purpose.
If that’s something you’re worried about, this guide on bullying signs might be useful.
If your teen’s feeling left out, here are a few ways you might be able to help
You don’t have to have the perfect response, and you don’t need to fix it all.
Sometimes the biggest help is just being a calm, steady presence.
1. Let them know you’re listening
Even just a simple:
“That sounds really tough. I get why you’d be upset.”
…can let them know you’re on their side.
You don’t need to offer advice straight away, but just showing them it’s okay to feel hurt can be a big comfort.
2. Give them space to talk, or not talk
Some teens want to talk it all out. Others keep their cards close. You could try something like:
“Do you feel like chatting about it, or not really in the mood?”
That way, they know you’re open, but not pushing.
3. Share your own experience (if the moment feels right)
You might remember a time when you felt left out yourself.
If your teen’s open to it, sharing something small from your own life can show them this feeling isn’t just theirs.
Sometimes it helps them feel less alone or like there’s something wrong with them.
4. Encourage them to pursue other connections
If things feel a bit rocky with their current group, you could gently encourage them to reconnect with someone they’ve always got on well with, or try to make new friends.
One good option would be to join a club or activity they’ve mentioned before or that reflects their interests.
They might not take you up on it straight away. But planting the seed can still help.
5. Go easy on any friend-bashing
It’s completely natural to feel upset on their behalf, but bad-mouthing the people involved can sometimes make things harder for your teen.
They might still care about those friends, or feel unsure about whether they want to still move forward with the friendships.
And who knows, maybe there’s another part of the equation that you haven’t been made aware of.
Focusing on how they feel, rather than what the others did, can keep the lines of communication more open and avoid them citing you later to friends if it ever escalated.
6. Keep the door open
A quiet “How are you feeling now?” a few days later, or even just sitting nearby while watching TV, can remind them that you’re there.
What if things don’t get better?
Most teens feel left out now and again.
But if you’ve noticed a longer stretch where they’re withdrawing, feeling low, or not quite themselves, it could be worth looking at extra support.
You might notice things like:
- Not wanting to do the things they usually enjoy
- Changes in sleep or appetite
Seeming down or irritable for more than a week or two - Saying things like “What’s the point?” or “Nobody likes me”
If that’s sounding familiar, there’s a helpful guide on low self-esteem and what it can look like in teens.
What else might help them feel a bit better?
Sometimes, it’s the little things, like spending time with people who make them feel safe, or being reminded of the things they’re good at.
Even a few small wins can start to shift how they feel.
You could also mention the luna app, if it feels right. On luna, they can…
- Explore questions about friendships and emotions
- Read anonymous, moderated questions from others who’ve been through something similar
- Learn practical tips for self-care and setting boundaries
- Get expert answers if something’s on their mind
For parents, it’s one more supportive tool in the mix, something that encourages reflection, not endless scrolling. A little balance can go a long way.
How we created this article:
luna's team of experts comprises GPs, Dermatologists, Safeguarding Leads and Junior Doctors as well as Medical Students with specialised interests in paediatric care, mental health and gynaecology. All articles are created by experts, and reviewed by a member of luna's senior review team.
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