Teenage daughter feels left out by friends?
How to help!
Quick summary
- Feeling left out can really knock a teen’s confidence, even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal from the outside and with more life experience
- Often, what helps most is feeling heard by a parent, rather than being offered a “fix”
- The luna app can offer a little extra support if they aren’t opening up and need a private space to figure things out
Has your daughter come home upset after being left out?
If your teenage daughter feels left out by her friends, it can be heartbreaking to watch.
Maybe she wasn’t invited to something. Maybe she saw photos online. Maybe she says she’s “fine” – but you can tell she isn’t.
Many parents worry about saying the wrong thing or making it worse.
This guide explains what’s really going on, and how to support her without pushing her away.
Why being left out can really sting
Teen friendships can be intense.
Whether it’s the group chat, a sleepover, or who’s sitting with who at lunch, that sense of belonging can feel like everything.
So when they’re left out, even just once, it can hit hard.
It can spark all sorts of feelings, like hurt, confusion or even shame, and sometimes it knocks their confidence more than they know how to say.
They might start wondering if they’ve done something wrong.
Or assume they’re just not liked.
Some teens pull back when they feel that way, retreating into themselves rather than reaching out, which can make things feel even worse.
And while a lot of this is a normal part of growing up, it can sometimes cross into something more serious, like relational bullying, where exclusion is done on purpose.
If that’s something you’re worried about, this guide on bullying signs might be useful.
For many teens, being left out doesn’t just hurt in the moment – it can make them question their value, their friendships, and where they belong.
If your daughter's feeling left out, here are a few ways you might be able to help
You don’t have to have the perfect response, and you don’t need to fix it all.
Sometimes the biggest help is just being a calm, steady presence.
1. Let them know you’re listening
Even just a simple:
“That sounds really tough. I get why you’d be upset.”
…can let them know you’re on their side.
You don’t need to offer advice straight away, but just showing them it’s okay to feel hurt can be a big comfort.
2. Give them space to talk, or not talk
Some teens want to talk it all out. Others keep their cards close. You could try something like:
“Do you feel like chatting about it, or not really in the mood?”
That way, they know you’re open, but not pushing.
3. Share your own experience (if the moment feels right)
You might remember a time when you felt left out yourself.
If your teen’s open to it, sharing something small from your own life can show them this feeling isn’t just theirs.
Sometimes it helps them feel less alone or like there’s something wrong with them.
4. Encourage them to pursue other connections
If things feel a bit rocky with their current group, you could gently encourage them to reconnect with someone they’ve always got on well with, or try to make new friends.
One good option would be to join a club or activity they’ve mentioned before or that reflects their interests.
They might not take you up on it straight away. But planting the seed can still help.
5. Go easy on any friend-bashing
It’s completely natural to feel upset on their behalf, but bad-mouthing the people involved can sometimes make things harder for your teen.
They might still care about those friends, or feel unsure about whether they want to still move forward with the friendships.
And who knows, maybe there’s another part of the equation that you haven’t been made aware of.
Focusing on how they feel, rather than what the others did, can keep the lines of communication more open and avoid them citing you later to friends if it ever escalated.
6. Keep the door open
A quiet “How are you feeling now?” a few days later, or even just sitting nearby while watching TV, can remind them that you’re there.
Things that can accidentally make it worse
When emotions are high, it’s easy to say things with good intentions that don’t always land well.
Some responses can unintentionally shut conversations down or make teens feel misunderstood.
Examples include:
- “They’re just jealous”: this can feel dismissive of real hurt, or they simply won't believe it if they're feeling particularly down
- “Just ignore them”: it may minimise how painful exclusion feels
- Criticising friends too harshly: teens may still care about those relationships and this could come back around later on you
- Jumping straight to fixing the problem: before your daughter feels heard
Focusing first on understanding how she feels helps build trust and keeps communication open.
Is this normal, or is your daughter being excluded on purpose?
- Occasional exclusion is common in teen friendships
- Repeated, targeted exclusion can be a form of relational bullying
- Sudden changes in mood or behaviour may signal deeper distress
- Trust patterns, not single events
Should parents step in, or stay out?
When a teenage daughter feels left out by friends, many parents feel torn between wanting to protect them and not wanting to make things worse.
In most situations, listening and staying emotionally available is more helpful than stepping in straight away.
Teens often need space and time to process what’s happening before they’re ready for solutions or adult involvement.
That said, there are times when support beyond the home is appropriate.
Repeated exclusion, sudden changes in behaviour, or signs of distress may signal that your daughter needs extra help – either from school staff, a trusted adult, or a professional.
There’s no single “right” response. Trust patterns rather than one-off moments, and trust your instincts if something doesn’t feel right.
What if things don’t get better?
Most teens feel left out now and again.
But if you’ve noticed a longer stretch where they’re withdrawing, feeling low, or not quite themselves, it could be worth looking at extra support.
You might notice things like:
- Not wanting to do the things they usually enjoy
- Changes in sleep or appetite
Seeming down or irritable for more than a week or two - Saying things like “What’s the point?” or “Nobody likes me”
If feeling left out is affecting your teen most days for more than a couple of weeks, or starting to change how they see themselves, it may be time to get extra support.
What else might help them feel a bit better?
Sometimes, it’s the little things, like spending time with people who make them feel safe, or being reminded of the things they’re good at.
Even a few small wins can start to shift how they feel.
You could also mention the luna app, if it feels right.
If your teen doesn’t feel ready to talk openly, luna can give them a private space to explore feelings around friendships, rejection, and confidence, without pressure or judgement.
On luna, they can…
- Explore questions about friendships and emotions
- Read anonymous questions from others who’ve been through something similar
- Learn practical tips for self-care and setting boundaries
- Get expert answers if something’s on their mind
For parents, it’s one more supportive tool in the mix, something that encourages reflection, not endless scrolling. A little balance can go a long way.
Will this affect her long term?
Many parents worry that being left out will shape their daughter’s confidence or friendships long term.
While exclusion can feel overwhelming in the moment, it does not usually define who she is or who she’ll become.
Many teens don’t find their people straight away, and friendships often change as confidence grows and environments shift.
With support, reassurance, and time, most teens learn resilience, self-awareness, and stronger boundaries – even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
Helping your daughter find her footing again
Sometimes it can help to gently explore what is within your daughter’s control, without framing the situation as something she’s done wrong.
This might include noticing where she feels most comfortable, who makes her feel accepted, or which activities bring out her confidence.
Small shifts – like investing energy in one supportive friendship or a shared interest – can slowly rebuild a sense of belonging. And encouraging those positive shifts is a big thing you can do as a parent!
The aim isn’t to change who she is, but to help her feel grounded and valued while friendships evolve.
How we created this article:
luna's team of experts comprises GPs, Dermatologists, Safeguarding Leads and Junior Doctors as well as Medical Students with specialised interests in paediatric care, mental health and gynaecology. All articles are created by experts, and reviewed by a member of luna's senior review team.
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