Help your teenager with coming out

How to react and more info for parents

When a child comes out, it can be a huge moment for them, but also for you – it can be hard to know as a parent how to react, what to say, and how to support them following this. The news may or may not come as a surprise, and it’s okay to not know how to approach it, regardless of this.

We understand also that this may be a difficult topic for some parents, but it's a really important one. It's not something we were taught about in schools back in the day, but it is something that is super important to tweens and teens of today – so understanding and respecting their feelings can mean a lot to them even if we ourselves experienced this less growing up.

So, luna’s here with some top tips which you might find helpful if you think your child may be planning to speak to you about their gender or sexuality, or to help you if you’ve already had the conversation and you’re feeling a little lost.

How to react to a child coming out?

When they come to you to have this conversation, they may be very nervous and unsure about how you’ll react – luna knows first hand that this is one of the biggest worries our LGBTQIA+ teen community has. It’s important, with this in mind, to stay calm and give them space to share how they’re feeling with you.

A teen may be feeling a lot of anxiety and possibly shame around this (that's not to say all do, though) which can really impact their mental health and, in turn, their physical wellbeing – they may feel they are letting you down, and in turn you might feel you are letting them down by not knowing all the terminology and meanings. What's key is to just be open to learning, and empathetic of each other, knowing that it's a process for both child and parent.

Try to…

• Listen first: allow your child to express themselves without interruptions. Listening shows that you respect and value their feelings
• Express love and support: reassure your child that your love for them remains unchanged. Affirming your support can really help their emotional wellbeing
• Celebrate their courage: it may help to acknowledge and praise your child's bravery in sharing their true self
• Avoid immediate judgments: resist the urge to react impulsively – take a moment to process your emotions before responding

How do you talk to your child about coming out?

This is all about initiating a thoughtful conversation – you may need this advice if you think your child is struggling with their gender or sexuality, and is unlikely to broach the topic with you.

• Choose the right time: find a quiet and private moment to discuss your child's feelings further
• Ask open-ended questions: encourage your child to share their thoughts and experiences by asking questions that promote dialogue
• Educate yourself: learn about LGBTQIA+ issues and terms. Being informed helps you understand your child’s perspective better 

How to support your child when they come out?

Try to maintain an open mind – gender and sexuality is fluid and may change over time, but their gender and sexuality at this time in their life is valid to them so try to support this.

This means trying your best to…

• Respect their identity: use the names and pronouns your child prefers
• Avoid stereotypes: don’t make assumptions based on societal stereotypes. Each person's journey and experience are unique
• Seek guidance: if you’re unsure how to support your child, you can always consider speaking to a GP or a safeguarding lead for advice

Alongside this, it’s important to try and provide your teen with ongoing support, in a way that feels comfortable for them. This means…

• Being there for them: offer your presence and reassurance regularly (or as much as they say they need) – small gestures of support can make a big difference, like going to cultural events which support LGBTQIA+ rights
• Creating a safe space: ensure your home and their place of education is a safe and accepting environment for your child, and advocate for them where needed or educated others around you who may not understand
• Connecting them with resources: encourage your child to explore support groups and resources. For example, our app, luna (“we are luna” in app stores) has a lot of advice on gender and sexuality to help teens navigate any confusion or questions they may have with the help of medically-verified advice

Supporting your child when they come out is a really important part of their overall emotional and mental wellbeing. 

By staying calm, maintaining an open dialogue, and using resources when needed, you can help your child navigate this important phase of their life and be there for them.

Some resources are:

Stonewall

Stonewall Wales

Be You Project

LGBT Youth Scotland

The Proud Trust

LGBT Health and Wellbeing

Why not support your teen with luna premium?

Our app, luna, has dedicated advice on this topic which can help them feel more empowered through adolescence.

You can think of luna as a modern, digital approach to wellbeing – it’s cost-effective, verified by doctors and safeguarding experts, and has a direct line into the biggest concerns facing teens today – so it’s actually addressing what they need advice on, when they need it.

If you’ve been looking for an antidote to the misinformation and negativity shared on social media or forums, you can get luna for your teen via our luna premium page for the price of a coffee each month or manage their subscription by downloading luna yourself and signing up as a parent (it's "we are luna" in app stores).