My daughter has been kicked out of her group chat...

Question from a parent of a 12 year old

Question

My daughter has been kicked out of her group chat with no explanation, she is absolutely gutted and crying about it. What can I do?

Answer

Really sorry to hear that your daughter is going through this – she is absolutely not alone and lots of teens on the luna app go through the same thing.

It can be so devastating to see someone you love feeling hurt and excluded, even more so when you feel so powerless to fix the problem.

First, it’s important to let her know that her feelings are valid and it's okay to be upset – sometimes just having someone to listen and validate how we feel can make a big difference.

Encourage her to talk about what happened and how she's feeling – this can help her process her emotions and feel less alone. If you have a story to share in which you went through something similar, and there was a positive outcome, this may also help.

If the moment feels right, you could also try to probe about what happened in the lead up to this – does she remember what conversation was being had in the group chat before hand? How well did she know the people before? This might help you understand better what happened, and so know how to take action. It’s also worth being aware of the signs your teen is being bullied, in case this is part of a larger pattern.

Your daughter might also want to consider reaching out to one of her friends from the group, ideally the one she’s friendliest with, to ask for an explanation – sometimes misunderstandings can be cleared up with a calm conversation. Alternatively, if you know a parent of one of the people in the chat, perhaps you could have a private chat with them to find out if they know anything more. If the exclusion seems more serious, here are some steps to take if your teen is being bullied to guide you.

In the meantime, help her focus on other friendships and activities that make her happy, keeping her distracted – encourage her to spend time with friends who treat her with kindness and respect. You can also explore these 8 ways to help your teen make friends to boost her confidence in forming new connections. This can help her feel more supported and less isolated.

Perhaps you could organise a sleepover with a close friend or family member so cheer her up? Or the two of you could have a movie night together (perhaps even subtly choosing a film where a similar scenario happens with a positive outcome to help her recognise that this will blow over).

If she continues to feel really down or isolated, or isn’t opening up to you, you might want to lean on a school counsellor or the school pastoral team for support. If this is happening between school friends, they’ll want to know what’s going on and may even have some more context to share. This guide on spotting low self-esteem in your teen might also help you notice any deeper issues she’s facing.

Hope this helps and your daughter feels much better soon 💞

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