Steps to take if your teen is being bullied

Help your child deal with bullying

Bullying is a distressing and unfortunately all-too-common experience that can be really tough on a teen’s emotional and psychological wellbeing. 

Bullying can happen in many forms, including physical, verbal, and cyberbullying – which is growing more common where so many more young people have access to smartphones and social media.

From speaking to lots of parents ourselves, we know how much you all want to identify the signs that your teen may be going through this to be able to support them effectively during this time.

Signs of bullying include…

• Unexplained physical injuries – e.g. bruises, cuts, or scratches
• Missing or damaged personal property
• Emotional distress – this can range from increased anxiety/depression and mood swings all the way to engagement in self-destructive behaviours such as self-harm
• Changes in behaviour such as social isolation, declining academic performance, or reluctance to attend school
• Physical symptoms like frequent complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or general illness with no obvious medical cause
• Changes in eating or sleeping habits

luna's also got a deep dive into these signs of bullying here!

Spotted these signs? Here’s what you can do

• Listen and support: create a safe, calm space for your child or teen to talk about their experiences, letting them lead the conversation. Listen without judgement, empathise, and validate their feelings
• Remain calm: it can be devastating to discover your child is going through an experience such as this, but try to listen calmly and objectively, and work collaboratively with them to find ways to tackle the situation so that they feel a sense of their own agency
• Gather information: encourage your child or teen to share specific details (like who, what, when, where) about bullying incidents and keep a record. This could include screenshots of cyberbullying, photos of injuries, or written accounts of verbal harassment

With all of this in hand, you can then address the problem.

How to address the bullying

• Make sure your child or teen knows your plan: if things escalate to the point where more official action is required, make sure your child is aware of when and why you are taking this step to avoid losing their trust
• Chat with teachers or parents: if this is happening at school, have informal conversations with teachers to find out more about the situation and possibly ask them to keep an eye on the situation. In some cases this may alert the teacher to nip an emerging situation in the bud before it has the chance to evolve. If this is cyberbullying but your child/teen knows the person you can get in touch with their parent to find a solution
• Contact school authorities: arrange a meeting with their teachers, headteacher, or pastoral care team to discuss the situation. At this stage it is useful to present documented evidence to back up the validity of your concerns. Make sure to also inquire about anti-bullying policies and how they are to be implemented for the wellbeing of your child. Make sure to document everything discussed at the meeting for your records
• Follow up: after the initial meeting, maintain regular communication with the school to ensure they are monitoring the situation and taking action as required
• Legal escalation: in severe cases of bullying involving criminal acts such as assault, harassment, or theft, it may be necessary to involve the police. Document all evidence and be prepared to file a report if the situation does not improve following school intervention

Supporting them moving forward

• Teach coping strategies: help your child or teen develop problem-solving skills and resilience by trialling strategies to cope with bullying, such as not reacting to the bully, being assertive, surrounding themselves with friends, and seeking help from a trusted adult (however, each case of bullying is different, and it may take a few different approaches before any change is seen)
• Nurture self-care skills: encouraging practices such as mindfulness and relaxation techniques can improve their general wellbeing and capacity to handle the difficult emotions that are triggered by bullying. In addition, make sure your child continues to engage in the activities they love and takes part in social opportunities that allow them to connect with friends that have a positive impact on their self-esteem
• Promote online safety: if your child is experiencing cyberbullying, ensure they are equipped with strategies on how to tackle it, such as blocking or reporting individuals, keeping personal information private, and taking breaks from technology. It can also be useful to ask your child to add you on social media platforms to give you limited access to monitor the situation (but make sure not to overstep when given this privilege e.g. commenting too much on their posts if they aren’t comfortable!)
• Check in with your child: regularly speak with your child or teen to give them a chance to unpack their day-to-day experiences and feelings, this will help you to maintain open communication with your child and stay in tune with how they may be coping
• Make home a safe space: promote positive traits such as empathy and kindness amongst everyone in the household to ensure your child has a space where they can relax and mentally recuperate following especially hard days

Bullying is always horrible to experience, but taking proactive steps to protect your child’s wellbeing can make a significant difference. By being there to support and work with them, taking charge in dealing with the school where required, and seeking additional resources such as professional help when needed, you can help your child or teen navigate this difficult time whilst developing their own resilience.

Why not support your teen with a luna subscription?

Our app, luna, has dedicated advice on navigating bullying – cyber and in-person – as well as managing negative or toxic relationships.

You can think of luna as a modern, digital approach to wellbeing – it’s cost-effective, verified by doctors and safeguarding experts, and has a direct line into the biggest concerns facing teens today – so it’s actually addressing what they need advice on, when they need it.

If you’ve been looking for an antidote to the misinformation and negativity shared on social media or forums, you can get luna for your teen via our luna premium page for the price of a coffee each month or manage their subscription by downloading luna yourself and signing up as a parent (it's "we are luna" in app stores).