What is permissive parenting?
Practical guide for parents of teens
Quick summary
- Permissive parenting is warm, flexible and supportive, but often light on boundaries
- Most permissive parents aren’t “too soft” on purpose – they’re tired, empathetic or trying to avoid conflict
- Teens need warmth, but also structure to feel secure so if you’re worried about being overly permissive you can make small, gentle changes without becoming strict
- luna can support your daughter as well with emotional regulation and independence, making home life easier
What is permissive parenting?
Permissive parenting is a style where warmth, flexibility and understanding are prioritised, but boundaries are sometimes limited or inconsistent.
Parents who fall into this style tend to be nurturing, supportive and keen to keep their child happy, but may struggle with saying “no” or following through on limits.
This style often emerges when parents want to avoid conflict, protect their child’s feelings, or break away from strict or harsh parenting they experienced growing up.
For many parents of teens, permissiveness also appears because arguments feel exhausting and maintaining boundaries is difficult when emotions run high.
What is an example of permissive parenting?
Common examples of permissive parenting include:
- Saying “yes” to avoid an argument
- Letting rules slide because you’re tired or want to keep the peace
- Allowing unlimited screens, late nights or skipped chores
- Acting more like a friend than a parent
- Avoiding difficult conversations or conflict
- Doing tasks for your teen that they could manage themselves
- Repeating warnings but not following through with consequences
If screen use is a common tension point, our guides to teens and Snapchat or weaning teens off TikTok may be helpful.
Is permissive parenting good or bad?
It’s not simply good or bad. Like all parenting styles, permissiveness has strengths and challenges.
The positives
- Strong emotional connection
- A home environment that feels safe and open
- Flexibility and understanding
- Teens may feel accepted and listened to
These elements are valuable, especially during adolescence!
The challenges
Teens may struggle with:
- emotional regulation
- respecting limits
- taking responsibility
- coping with frustration or disappointment
- knowing what is expected of them
When boundaries feel unclear, many teens experience more anxiety, not less.
Hormonal and emotional fluctuations can amplify this, as explained in our guide to teen mood swings.
How to tell if you’re a permissive parent
You might recognise some of these signs:
- You avoid saying “no” to prevent arguments
- Consequences are inconsistent or not followed through
- Your teen often negotiates out of limits
- You feel guilty about setting rules
- Rules shift depending on mood or situation
- You find yourself fixing things for your teen rather than letting them try
- You feel more like a friend than a parent
- You feel worn down trying to keep the peace
Recognising yourself here is not a sign of failure at all, so please don’t stress.
It’s a sign that you’re an empathetic parent who may need more tools to balance warmth with structure.
How to create healthy boundaries without becoming strict
Small, consistent changes can make a big difference and won’t mean your daughter hates you!
Start with one or two areas
Choose manageable, measurable boundaries such as homework time, screens or sleep.
Follow through calmly
Consistency helps teens feel secure. Boundaries work when they are predictable.
Validate their feelings
“I know this is frustrating, and the rule stays.” Validation softens resistance without removing structure.
Use logical consequences
These don’t need to be harsh, just clearly linked to the behaviour.
Keep warmth at the centre
Teens respond best when connection stays intact even as expectations increase.
If big emotions are contributing to conflict, our guide to managing teen mood swings may help.
How luna can support your teen
Many conflicts at home arise from stress, hormones, anxiety, overwhelm, or feeling misunderstood. luna helps by offering your daughter:
- a private space to ask questions anonymously
- doctor-reviewed information on emotions, hormones and periods
- mood and cycle tracking to understand her behaviour and emotions
- guidance on friendships, stress and communication
- reassurance that her experiences are normal
When teens understand themselves better, boundaries at home often become easier and less reactive.
Please be reassured that if you’re reading about permissive parenting, it means you care deeply about getting parenting right.
You don’t need to be perfect; you just need to continue with that warmth, alongside healthy boundaries, consistency and steady communication. These are things you can build gradually.
And with luna helping your daughter understand her emotional and hormonal world, you don’t have to navigate the teen years alone!
How we created this article:
luna's team of experts comprises GPs, Dermatologists, Safeguarding Leads and Junior Doctors as well as Medical Students with specialised interests in paediatric care, mental health and gynaecology. All articles are created by experts, and reviewed by a member of luna's senior review team.
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