"Why does my daughter hate me?"
Understanding conflict and reconnecting
Quick summary
- It can feel like your daughter hates you, but teen anger and distance are usually signs of stress, hormones or emotional overwhelm – not hatred
- Big changes in the teenage brain and hormones can make reactions more intense and communication more difficult
- Your relationship can improve with calm conversations, validation, boundaries and small moments of connection
- If your teen is struggling with mood swings or emotional ups and downs, luna can support them privately with expert information and anonymous questions
Why your daughter might say or act like she “hates” you
If you’re here because your daughter shouted something hurtful, stormed out, or you’re lying awake wondering what happened, you’re not alone.
Many parents only search this topic when they’re at the end of their tether.
At luna, we hear from thousands of teens, and the reality is almost always this:
Your daughter doesn’t hate you.
She’s overwhelmed, emotional, confused or trying to create independence – and you’re the safest person to express it to.
Here’s what may be going on underneath the behaviour.
Her brain is still developing
During the teen years, the parts of the brain responsible for emotional regulation and impulse control are still maturing.
This means your daughter may:
- react quickly
- say things she regrets
- take your tone the wrong way
- feel emotions far more intensely than usual
Hormones also play a huge role.
If you want to understand this better, our guide to teen hormones, periods, skin and mood explains why teens can feel up one minute and down the next.
She’s seeking independence
Pushing against rules, wanting more privacy and pulling away emotionally can all be signs of growing independence – not rejection.
This is developmentally normal, even though it can feel personal.
If you’re finding this challenging, you may find our guide on encouraging independence in teens helpful.
Her world feels overwhelming
Friendships, body image pressures, exams, social media, identity, hormones – teens are juggling far more than they often show.
Many also struggle with anxiety, which can make irritability and conflict more likely. If you suspect this plays a role, our guide to teenage anxiety explains the signs to look for.
Miscommunication happens easily
Parents often hear disrespect. Teens often hear criticism.
Neither side intends harm, but tone and timing can quickly escalate things.
If gentle communication feels difficult right now, this guide on gentle parenting your teen may help.
How to support connection when things feel tense
Try softer openings
Instead of: “you’re always rude to me.”
Try: “it feels like things have been tough between us recently – I care about you and I want to understand what’s going on.”
This keeps the door open.
Pick the right moments
Teens tend to open up more:
- in the car
- before bed
- on a walk
- during shared activities
You don’t have to force eye contact or sit them down formally.
Validate her feelings
Validation sounds like:
“I can see you're upset, that makes sense. I’m here.”
It doesn’t mean agreeing with her, but it shows you’re listening.
Small gestures matter
Even when things feel strained, consistent warmth helps:
- asking about her day
- leaving a favourite snack
- offering a cup of tea
- a simple goodnight
These reinforce your reliability.
When conflict keeps happening
Patterns can offer useful clues. Notice whether tension increases around:
- school pressure
- friendship issues
- tiredness
- screen use
- her menstrual cycle
- feelings of rejection or insecurity
Our guides on teen mood swings and supporting your teen’s mental health may help you spot what’s behind the behaviour.
If her behaviour changes dramatically or she seems persistently low, it’s okay to ask for professional help.
How luna can help your daughter
Teens often find it difficult to talk to parents – especially about emotions, stress, hormones or period-related ups and downs.
luna gives your daughter:
- a private, safe place to ask anonymous questions
- access to medical experts
- a library of content on hormones, mood, anxiety, friendships and periods
- cycle and mood tracking to help her understand why she feels the way she does
- reassurance that her experiences are normal
When teens understand themselves better, communication at home often becomes easier and less reactive.
One final reassurance
Your daughter really doesn’t hate you!
She’s overwhelmed, growing, changing, and sometimes struggling.
With patience, warmth and support, most parent-daughter relationships become stronger over time!
And with luna helping her understand her emotions and hormones, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
How we created this article:
luna's team of experts comprises GPs, Dermatologists, Safeguarding Leads and Junior Doctors as well as Medical Students with specialised interests in paediatric care, mental health and gynaecology. All articles are created by experts, and reviewed by a member of luna's senior review team.
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