My daughter hates me – what should I do?

If your daughter says she hates you, try to stay calm and avoid reacting defensively.

In most cases, this phrase is an expression of strong emotions rather than true hatred.

Give her space in the moment, acknowledge her feelings, and revisit the conversation when things feel calmer.

Consistent support, clear boundaries, and open communication help rebuild trust over time.

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If your daughter has said “I hate you” or seems distant, angry, or hostile towards you, it can feel incredibly painful and confusing.

Many parents search “my daughter hates me” during moments of overwhelm – and if that’s you, you’re not alone.

The important thing to know is that this behaviour is very common, especially during puberty and adolescence, and it rarely means what it sounds like.

This guide explains why it happens, what your daughter may really be feeling, and how you can respond in ways that protect your relationship long-term.

Why does my daughter say she hates me?

When a daughter says she hates you, it’s usually not about hatred at all.

More often, it’s a sign of:

• Big emotions she doesn’t yet know how to express
• Feeling misunderstood, controlled, or overwhelmed
• Frustration about boundaries, rules, or independence
• Emotional overload rather than deliberate cruelty

For many children and teens, “I hate you” is shorthand for “I’m upset and don’t know how to say it safely.”

Is it normal for a daughter to hate her parent?

Yes – this is developmentally normal, especially during late childhood and the teenage years.

At different stages of growing up, children naturally:

• Push away caregivers to establish independence
• Test boundaries to understand control and autonomy
• Redirect emotional intensity toward the safest person – usually a parent

This doesn’t mean your daughter actually hates you. It usually means she feels secure enough with you to express difficult emotions.

At what age do daughters start pushing parents away?

Many parents notice changes between ages 9 and 14, though it can happen earlier or later.

Common stages include:

• Pre-teens (9-11): increased irritability, embarrassment, secrecy
• Early teens (11-14): strong emotional reactions, defiance, withdrawal
• Mid-teens (14-17): distancing, prioritising peers, less communication

These shifts are part of normal emotional and neurological development.

Do puberty and hormones make my daughter hate me?

Hormones don’t make a daughter hate her parent, but they do amplify emotions.

During puberty:

• Emotional responses become more intense
• Frustration and sadness feel bigger and harder to regulate
• Small conflicts can feel overwhelming

Your daughter may not yet have the emotional tools to explain how she feels, so those emotions can come out as anger directed at you.

If you want to understand this better, our guide to teen hormones, periods, skin and mood explains why teens can feel up one minute and down the next.

What does it really mean when my daughter says “I hate you”?

In most cases, it means one of the following:

• “I’m angry and don’t feel heard”
• “I’m overwhelmed and need space”
• “I don’t like this boundary”
• “I don’t know how to express this feeling properly”

It’s rarely a reflection of your parenting or your bond – even if it feels deeply personal in the moment.

How should I respond when my daughter says she hates me?

Your response matters more than the words themselves.

Helpful responses include:

• Staying calm, even if you feel hurt
• Acknowledging the emotion without agreeing with the behaviour
• Letting the moment pass before revisiting the issue

Examples:

• “I can hear that you’re really upset.”
• “We can talk about this when things feel calmer.”
• “I care about you, even when we’re arguing.”

This shows emotional safety without escalating the situation.

What should I avoid saying or doing?

In the heat of the moment, it can be tempting to react defensively, but some responses can damage trust.

Try to avoid:

• Saying “That’s a horrible thing to say” or "I hate you" back
• Taking it personally or arguing back
• Dismissing their feelings
• Bringing it up repeatedly later as guilt or leverage

Your daughter may forget what she said, but she’ll remember how you made her feel afterwards.

How can I rebuild my relationship with my daughter?

Repair doesn’t happen in one conversation – it happens through consistency.

Small actions that help:

• Showing interest without interrogation
• Giving space while staying emotionally available
• Apologising if you’ve reacted harshly
• Creating low-pressure moments together (walks, car rides, shared activities)

Connection often rebuilds quietly, not through big emotional talks.

When should I worry or seek extra support?

Occasional anger or distancing is normal. Extra support may help if you notice:

• Ongoing hostility with no moments of connection
• Withdrawal combined with low mood or anxiety
• Aggressive or self-destructive behaviour
• Complete breakdown in communication

If you’re unsure, speaking to a GP, school counsellor, or mental health professional can help you understand what support might be useful.

How luna can help your daughter

Teens often find it difficult to talk to parents – especially about emotions, stress, hormones or period-related ups and downs.

luna gives your daughter:

• a private, safe place to ask anonymous questions
• access to medical experts
• a library of content on hormones, mood, anxiety, friendships and periods
• cycle and mood tracking to help her understand why she feels the way she does
• reassurance that her experiences are normal

When teens understand themselves better, communication at home often becomes easier and less reactive.

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FAQs

Is it my fault if my daughter hates me?

No. These feelings are usually part of development, not a reflection of parenting failure.

Will my daughter grow out of this?

In most cases, yes. As emotional regulation improves, relationships often soften again.

Should I discipline my daughter for saying “I hate you”?

It’s usually more effective to address the behaviour calmly later, rather than punish emotional expression in the moment.