3 in 5 teens say social pressure is their top worry with a new school
Top concerns are fitting in and feeling alone
When a new school year starts, many parents are focusing on the practical stuff: uniform, stationery, planning the commute.
But for teens, what’s often on their minds isn’t the schoolwork. It’s the people.
In a recent luna poll of 2,026 girls, over three in five (61%) said their biggest worry about starting a new school was the pressure to fit in, make friends, and not feel alone.
We hear about this every day in the luna app
We want to share some quotes in this article that come from real, anonymous questions submitted by teens using the luna app.
Each one highlights a slightly different version of the same feeling: social pressure.
We're sharing them here to help parents understand what their teen might be going through, and to support anyone who's helping a young person settle into a new school.
If you're preparing your teen for September, or know someone who is, we hope this offers a helpful window into what many are feeling but not always saying.
“I feel like I have nobody at school”
One teen told luna:
“I’m in my first year of high school. I only had a few friends and they all fell out with me. I feel like I have nobody at school and I’m genuinely so lonely.”
For some teens, school can feel overwhelming simply because they don’t have anyone they feel close to.
Even if there are lots of people around, not having someone to sit with, talk to, or walk between classes with can make a day feel really long.
If your teen has recently lost friends, or has come home quieter than usual, it might be worth gently checking in.
“I’m in a group I don’t want to be in”
Another teen shared:
“I’ve just moved schools and found myself in a group I don’t really want to be in.
I don’t feel like they’re my people, but I’m scared to talk to anyone else.
They don’t seem that inclusive, and I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”
This is something we hear a lot.
Teens sometimes find themselves in a friendship group by default – maybe it’s the only one that invited them in early on – but it doesn’t mean they feel happy there.
They might be worried about starting over, or unsure how to leave without drama.
Just because they have friends doesn’t always mean they feel like they belong.
“Everyone already has their friendship groups”
One teen wrote to luna:
“I feel lonely and don’t know what to do. The whole class already has their friendship groups.
My childhood friend took my other friend away and now I feel like I’m stuck in the past.”
Sometimes teens carry a lot of hurt from past friendships into new school environments.
It can make them feel left behind, or like they’ve missed their chance to start fresh.
If your teen keeps talking about an old friend or seems fixated on something that happened before school started, they might still be figuring out how to move on from it.
“I’m losing touch with my old friends”
Another teen told luna:
“There are only six girls in my class and it’s hard sometimes. They’re nice, but we’re not really friends outside of school.
I feel like I’m losing my old friends since we’re in completely different classes.
I hang out with them sometimes, but not as much, and I feel like we’re drifting apart.”
This shows how a teen can seem “fine” at school but still feel like their social life is falling apart.
Even a small change like being in a different class from a friend can make them feel left out.
If your teen seems off but can’t quite explain why, it might be that they’re missing people they used to see every day.
What can parents say to help?
Jas Schembri-Stothart, Co-Founder of luna, says:
“Sometimes we put so much pressure on that first day, but the truth is, friendships take time.
I’d tell any teen: take it one step at a time.
Even just smiling at someone or saying hi can be a small but easy way to start an amazing friendship.
That’s also why we created luna – to be a helping hand for teens who are feeling nervous or unsure.
Even just scrolling through the questions other teens ask on the app shows you're not the only one feeling this way.”
What can help with social struggles at school
If your teen is struggling to settle in socially, here are a few things that can help:
- Encourage them to join a club or group as it gives them a chance to meet people with similar interests
- Practise small openers together as even a compliment or a simple “mind if I sit here?” can break the ice
- Let them know it’s okay to feel unsure – honestly, even people who look confident often feel the same way underneath
- Remind them that friendships don’t happen overnight and it’s okay if they haven’t found “their people” yet
For more support, you can explore luna’s guide to helping teens make friends or check out our school transitions guide for advice on helping them feel more settled.
How we created this article:
luna's team of experts comprises GPs, Dermatologists, Safeguarding Leads and Junior Doctors as well as Medical Students with specialised interests in paediatric care, mental health and gynaecology. All articles are created by experts, and reviewed by a member of luna's senior review team.
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