Spotting low self-esteem in your teen

Signs of self confidence struggles

As a parent, understanding and supporting your child's emotional and psychological wellbeing can be challenging, especially with the emotional rollercoaster that puberty can trigger.

A big part of this is recognising signs of low self-esteem and self-confidence struggles, which we’ve learned is very common in luna’s teen community, and so we want to give you some advice on how to spot the signs and how best to support them.

Understanding self-esteem and self-confidence

Self-esteem refers to how someone feels about themself. For example, having good self-esteem is about having a positive view of oneself and feeling worthy of respect and happiness. 

Self-confidence, on the other hand, is about believing in one's abilities and trusting that one can achieve goals and handle challenges. While these concepts are closely linked, it’s important to address both when supporting your teen.

Signs of poor self-esteem and poor self-confidence

• Negative self-talk: a teen may frequently put themselves down, criticising their appearance, abilities, or worth. Phrases like "I'm not good enough" or "I can't do anything right" are red flags
• Avoidance of challenges: teens may often shy away from new experiences or challenges due to a lack of belief in their abilities. This can stem from a fear of failure or rejection
• Overly critical of themselves: whilst self-criticism is important for personal growth, those with poor self-esteem may be excessively harsh on themselves, unable to acknowledge their own strengths and achievements
• Seeking constant approval: a teen may constantly seek validation and approval from others, relying heavily on outside opinions to feel good about themselves
• Social withdrawal: a teen may withdraw from social activities or friendships/relationships, possibly stemming from feeling unworthy of others' attention or fear being judged
• Perfectionism: while striving for high standards is not an inherently negative trait, extreme perfectionism may signal poor self-confidence. Teens might feel that they need to be perfect to be accepted or valued
• Difficulty accepting compliments: a teen might struggle to accept compliments, often dismissing or downplaying them, possibly rooted in an internal belief that they are not deserving of praise

Encouraging self-assurance and self-compassion

Building self-assurance and fostering self-compassion in your teen to boost their low self-esteem involves creating a supportive and nurturing environment. 

Some ways to help include:

• Open communication: create a safe space for your teen to express their thoughts and feelings. Listen actively and empathetically without judgement – we've also got a guide for talking to your teen about their mental health if you need
• Positive reinforcement: highlight and celebrate your teen's strengths and achievements. Offer genuine praise and encourage them to recognise their own worth – if they're struggling with body image in particular, luna's got a guide on boosting your teen's body image
• Model self-compassion: show your teen what self-compassion looks like by treating yourself kindly and forgiving your own mistakes, alongside encouraging others in the household to behave the same way. This sets a powerful example for your teen to follow
• Encourage healthy risk-taking: support your teen in trying new things and stepping out of their comfort zone. This may even involve accompanying them on certain experiences that may be especially nerve-racking for them. Celebrate their efforts and resilience, regardless of the outcome
• Teach self-care: encourage habits that promote physical and mental wellbeing, such as regular exercise, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices
• Seek help: if your child is really struggling even with the advice above, it may be worth speaking to them about getting professional help. Professional mental health support can build your child’s psychological resilience and tackle their issues head on in an effective manner – you can speak to a GP about this in the first instance, and they may refer you elsewhere or offer advice themselves

The teenage years are where some of the core foundations of self-esteem are formed. By being attentive to the signs of low self-esteem and poor self-confidence and taking proactive steps to nurture your teen’s self-assurance and self-compassion, you can help them develop a strong and healthy sense of identity. 

Remember, your support and understanding play a crucial role in your teen’s journey towards becoming a confident and resilient young adult.

Why not support your teen with luna premium?

Our app, luna, has dedicated advice on this topic which can help them feel more empowered through adolescence.

You can think of luna as a modern, digital approach to wellbeing – it’s cost-effective, verified by doctors and safeguarding experts, and has a direct line into the biggest concerns facing teens today – so it’s actually addressing what they need advice on, when they need it.

If you’ve been looking for an antidote to the misinformation and negativity shared on social media or forums, you can get luna for your teen via our luna premium page for the price of a coffee each month or manage their subscription by downloading luna yourself and signing up as a parent (it's "we are luna" in app stores).